Posted by 4blake | Posted in Uncategorized | Posted on May 29, 2014
Fear controls the body and mind, it takes you places your never want to go, until you end up scaring yourself to death. I hope that nobody else dies from natural causes, nobody gets pleasure from watching teenagers play ‘Survivor Man’. I have been ordered by the Head Gamemaker to orchestrate a mutant that will make an easy meal of the remaining weaklings. We are on a baby hunt, and won’t stop until we weed them out with mutts. But what is going to be able to please and shock the Capitol while also murder capable killers. Spiders, snakes, scorpions, big cats. All of them are armed with lethal weapons, if only one of them would shock they audience. It has to be something that looks vulnerable on the outside, with hidden killing weapons. A frog.
I quickly bring up a holograph of the typical poison dart frog, and add the Capitol’s killer magic to it. I add a vibrant red and blue pattern to act like a magnet, tributes will be drawn to its beauty. I am not creating your average frog, this is a poison dart frog with enough poison to kill 50 grown men. The Capitol will admire its glowing colors, making the frogs appear like a pet that they could cuddle up to. Only these pets are going to kill you at any chance they get. I install and program the frog to have super senses in order to track down and kill their prey, the tributes. I just finished when the Head Gamemaker calls for the mutts to be released all throughout the arena.
The first tribute drawn into our trap is the poor little girl from District Three, she is attracted like a lamb to the slaughter. From my view I can almost see her eyes shine with wonder and curiosity as she stares ahead at my glorious creation. The frog transforms into a full grown killer just as the young girl stretches out her hand to the frog in a sign of friendship or even trust. You would think she wouldn’t trust anything considering she is trapped in the Hunger Games. The young girl is ensconced in a blanket of frogs before she could comprehend what is happening to her. I send a signal to the frogs to stay clear of her face to the cameras can zoom in and show her dying moments. I always have to look away when a young tribute is being slaughtered at my fingertips, they look so innocent and hopeless when they die. I guess that’s the point though, we have to scare the Districts until they loss hope.
I thought this was a very good narrative piece. I really like you attention getter and did not see any grammatical mistakes. Also I thought it was creative how you added a fact about the poison dart frogs. The figurative language you used was another great thing in your writing.
Good job! This sentence didn’t make sense..” send a signal to the frogs to stay clear of her face to the cameras can zoom in and show her dying moments.” it should be (for) instead of (to). Also I wouldn’t call the frogs mutts because that is usually what you call dogs and that could be confusing. But over all fantastic job!
This was a really good post, Blake! I love your attention getter; “Fear controls the body and mind, it takes you places your never want to go, until you end up scaring yourself to death.” SO AMAZING! It really grabbed me in. I also liked how you used many sensory details and vivid word choices like in this sentence; “The first tribute drawn into our trap is the poor little girl from District Three, she is attracted like a lamb to the slaughter.” Such a great simile. If I could change a few things I would have fixed this sentence; “I send a signal to the frogs to stay clear of her face to the cameras can zoom in and show her dying moments.” you should have put an “and” in between “face” and “to”. There were also a few things that didn’t make much sense like how you called the frogs “mutts” that’s a term generally used for dogs, it gives off the wrong impression. Otherwise, it was amazing.
“We are on a baby hunt, and won’t stop until we weed them out with mutts.” hahaha:) I really liked how you were an “innocent” Gamemaker with feelings, it gave the piece more depth. You used a lot of great figurative language that really made the piece come alive. Also I liked how you killed your own character off…